Six months of training. Six months to find a placement. Three years with a “Daddy.” Fifty-thousand dollars. No Kidding.
Livvy has high hopes after “Daddy” made his claim on her, but it didn’t feel like things had changed. Shouldn’t he have told the others? Shouldn’t things have been different? Maybe she made a mistake?
Maybe he was still looking for the perfect little partner, and was just keeping her until then? He was still getting more new recruits, but wasn’t she special? Daddy let her go with him to meet some of the new ones, and he was also teaching her some of the things that pleased him, as strange as they were…
Sara also takes on the role of helping her become the little miss that “Daddy” likes best. Will Sara’s observations prove helpful or harmful?
Last night Daddy said he had no intentions of sending me away. He let me sleep with him because of that terrible nightmare, and then this morning he claimed me as his little girl. I think it?s only natural that I thought things would be different today.
It started with him sending me to find Uncle Tommy to give me a bath. I thought that he should give me a bath, isn?t that what daddies do? But no, he was too busy, so I had to go to Uncle Tommy. I didn?t even want a bath. We never take a bath in the morning. Everything is just so messed up.
Then Daddy had to go to a meeting and wasn?t there for breakfast. I don?t know what I expected, really. Maybe some kind of acknowledgement, some kind of gesture that he was keeping me, that I was special? Maybe I am just being selfish.
I didn?t want to eat breakfast, I wanted to be alone. I just wanted to hide. I didn?t want to talk to anyone. I started crying and was never going to stop. I went to our room and crawled into my plush pink bed and hugged my little heart pillow, but I wasn?t there long before Erin came to find me because Uncle Chris said we could go swimming.
?I don?t want to go.?
?What?s the matter, Livvy? Are you okay?? She patted my shoulder. Erin was the sweetest of the girls, and I already loved her like a sister.
?I don?t know. I?m just depressed,? I said and turned my face away, trying to stop the tears that were pouring. My pillow was wet and stuck to my face. My hair was matted and clung to my nose and mouth.
?Aw, is it because of the bad dream you had??
?No? I don?t know? I just want to be alone.? I felt bad saying that to her; I didn?t want to hurt her feelings.
?OK, I?ll go; maybe we can wait to swim until after lunch, and hopefully you?ll feel better then.? She finally left the room when I didn?t answer.
I?m sure she didn?t rat me out. Most likely, as soon as she told one of the uncles that I was in bed and didn?t want to swim, they came to find me on their own.
?What?s the matter, Alivia? Don?t you feel well?? The bed dipped as Uncle Chris sat on the side of it. I knew it was him without looking, of course it was him.
?I?m not sick!? I sat up fast and scooted toward the wall, remembering the last time. ?I?m just depressed, leave me alone.?
He pressed his hand to my forehead and then moved it to my chest just above the neckline of my dress. ?Why are you sad?? He stood up and headed for the door without even waiting for my answer. ?I?m going to look at your chart. I?ll be right back.?
They kept charts on us? Yes, of course they did. Uncle Chris was the one who had helped the doctor in the exam room the last time?
When I realized what he was most likely checking the chart for, I panicked. There was no way I wanted to go through that again. But could I stop it if he decided it was what I needed. I tried to remember when I had gone to the bathroom last. Oh gosh, I didn?t want to go through that again.
I ran out of the room and to the bathroom across the hall. There was only one way I could think of to stop it. I would just have to go… That would prove to him it wasn?t a problem. I thought I had gotten used to going to the bathroom in front of people, men in particular.
But when Uncle Tommy came to the bathroom to ?help me? right after I sat down it took me a little while since it wasn?t like I already had to go. ?Are you OK, baby??
?I?m fine? just leave me alone.?
Then Uncle Chris came back to find me after conferring with my ?chart.?
?Oh, here you are. Good, you are trying to go potty.? He patted me on the head and turned back to Tommy. ?Just let me know?? He left the room.
?I?m not sick,? I muttered.
?Well if you were laying down because you didn?t feel very good, and you are having a hard time going potty-?
?Can you just go away??
?Watch your tone.? He turned to point at me. ?You know little girls are not left unattended in the bathroom.?
I wanted to shout at him and kick something. I wanted to run away and hide. But, none of those things would help me anyway. I have learned something since I?ve been here, I suppose. I stared at the peach-colored ribbons printed on the skirt of my dress instead of Uncle Tommy. I needed to think about positive things, like having clothes now. We still weren?t allowed to wear panties, but at least we had dresses and nightgowns.
Relief enveloped me as I was finally able to produce something adequate to satisfy them. I wished I could have fallen into the toilet and been flushed away with the waste when Uncle Tommy praised me.
?Good girl, now your tummy will feel better, huh?? And of course he had to clean me up. Little girls are never allowed to clean themselves. But at least I went to the bathroom by myself – this time.
I still wanted to go hide under the covers and be miserable, but I didn?t want Uncle Chris to get any more ideas. So I went to the family room and lay on the couch with a book. Something to take my mind off of things – that was what I needed. We didn?t have any grown up books, but I had started the Junie B. Jones books, and I loved them. That girl got into the craziest schemes.
?So, I heard you got a new daddy.? Sara sat down on the other couch. ?It will be sad to see you go?? She didn?t look sad; she had a rather pleased sneer on her fair face. Her blue eyes glittered with malice.
?I?m not going anywhere!? I sat up fast and closed my book with a snap, restraining myself from flinging it at her head.
?He looked kind of mean, too. It?s no wonder you had nightmares.?
?He is not going to be my Daddy.? I slammed the book on the couch. I don?t know why I let her get to me. I should know better by now; she is always trying to get me in trouble.
?Oh, but I heard Daddy say that he was.? She shrugged her shoulders. ?Maybe I?m mistaken??
?You?re just a bitch! I hate you! I hate you.? I took my book and stomped off, headed for anyplace she wasn?t, but when I turned around Uncle Chris was there.
?Alivia, you know that little girls do not use words like that.? He sat down on the end of the couch I had just vacated and pulled me down over his lap, fast. ?And you know that you and Sara are supposed to being trying to get along better.? He raised my skirt and smacked my bare bottom with his big palm.
?It?s her fault-? I tried to tell him, but his meanie hand just kept falling heavily on my butt. He was talking but I didn?t listen. I was mad and I told him. ?I hate you, too.?
He spanked harder after that. I kicked at the couch and tried to kick him, anything to get him to stop. My hind end was on fire. I was surely going to die, wished I would die. That would solve all of my problems.
But, I didn?t die? nope, I?m still writing this. No, he kept telling me how naughty it was to talk the way I had, and to say hateful things and nothing Sara could have done deserved that. But, he didn?t know her- not the way I did. She is always trying to get me in trouble. Always.
He was still spanking me through this stupid lecturing, and my cheeks were scorched. Then when he finally stopped and he lifted me to his lap, I didn?t want him to hold me. It didn?t matter that I normally like him, that he was funny sometimes, or that he always plays in the pool with us. I was still mad at him, still mad at Sara.
I didn?t realize at first that Daddy had come in while I was face down, bottom up. I didn?t see him until I was sitting on Uncle Chris?s lap. Part of me wanted to shove away from Chris and run to Daddy and the other part wanted to tell Daddy I hated him, too. He was there – he saw me being spanked (so unfairly) and he didn?t stop it.
I didn?t talk anymore, not to Uncle Chris when he held me after the spanking and not to Daddy when he called me to him. I tried to ignore him, to walk right by, but he scooped me up.
?Livvy, you know it is not nice to talk the way you did. If you want to be mad at someone you should be mad at yourself.? He was squeezing me to his chest, stroking his fingers up and down my back whether I wanted him to or not. ?Now, you need to tell us what happened so that we can talk to Sara, too.?
I should have told him but I was so angry I didn?t say anything. I just stayed there blubbering into his cotton clad rock-hard chest. I didn?t want to tell him how silly I was, that I thought today was going to be different. I knew what Sara said was a lie. I should have controlled my temper better, and I would have, if I wasn?t already having a bad day. I must have finally fallen asleep on Daddy?s lap because I woke up later in my bed.
Caity and Erin were asleep in their beds, but Sara was missing. I didn?t want to get up. I still didn?t want to face anyone. I wished I could go back to sleep and wake up three years, three hundred and forty? how long have I been here? Oh well, I wished I could wake up four years later when my contract was up. When I would be free to get out of here, and I would know I did my part toward paying my brother?s way through college.
I wonder how he is; I miss him. I should ask Daddy if I can call him. Wes probably hasn?t missed me at all. He is most likely too busy with campus life and then I?m sure my mom is too busy to miss me. She was always too busy with her job and whatever new guy she was dating to care about me or Wes.
I must have fallen back to sleep because the next time I looked around, Sara was in her bed, too. I really didn?t want to face the world, but my belly was hungry. I had missed lunch. If I went to the kitchen maybe Uncle Jeremy would let me have some chocolate milk and maybe even some cookies. He was my favorite of the uncles. He never spanked; he only gave cookies and hugs, and that was what I needed.
After I had my snack, I got my journal from my newest hiding place in the bookcase. I keep changing places because I know that Sara is watching me. Daddy said our beds or desks were off limits to each other, but I don?t trust it in either of those places.
I went to the landing on the stairs and looked out at the garden for a few minutes. I loved that spot; I could sit for hours if there was a chair there. I would love to have a little bird feeder outside the window, too. Anyway, I sat in the corner of the upper level so I wouldn?t have to see anyone and got lost in my writing until I heard footsteps on the stairs.
I kept my head down and peered out through the veil of my long messy auburn curls to see who it was. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and was probably as loud as Daddy?s footsteps, when I realized it was him, and of course he didn?t keep on walking. He sat on the last two steps on the upper side and stared right at me.
?Come here, Livvy.?
I drew my knees up closer to my chest and tugged my dress down around them, essentially ignoring him. I don?t know why I did it. I should have been happy he searched me out again.
?Alivia Rose.? He didn?t give me another opportunity to ignore him, which was probably good. I?m sure I would have most likely earned another spanking with the rotten mind frame I was in. Almost as soon as he said my name the second time, he reached for my arm and pulled me up to him.
I wanted to put up a fight, to act like I didn?t want anything from him. But, my body slumped against him on its own accord when he pulled me on his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I couldn?t have made myself reject the love he was offering no matter how I tried. Somehow I craved the attention he showed me. It was as simple as him holding me on his lap, playing with my hair and trailing his finger languidly up and down my back. My arms wrapped themselves up around the back of his neck and I buried my face against his shoulder, inhaling the spicy scent that was his alone.
?Livvy, honey, I?m sorry you are having a bad day? Are you ready to tell me what happened with Sara?? He waited for a couple minutes while I was silent. I thought about telling him, but I was too embarrassed about being upset about him. ?Fine, then she will have to get away with whatever it was.?
He stood then, picking me up with him, and carried me down the stairs.
?No, I want to stay here and write??
?Sorry baby, Doctor?s going to be here any minute to see you.?
?No! I don?t want to. I don?t need the doctor. I went to the bathroom.? I started fighting, trying to get away. ?Please don?t. Please.?
?Calm down. He?s not coming for your tummy. Remember how he came to see the other girls after the training session? Well, he needs to see you now, to make sure you are ok. The medicine that was used is still new, and we don?t want to take any chances.?
Oh wonderful. That was lovely. So instead of my behind, the doctor was going to look at my kitty? and I was supposed to be comforted by that. No, I wasn?t relieved. I tried to get loose and kicked and fought, and unfortunately, Daddy was not happy with me.
It amazes me how easily all of the men in the house can toss us girls around. One minute I had my arms around his neck, my head on his shoulder and my legs wrapped around his waist. Then the next thing I knew, I was somehow dangling over his left leg, propped on the stairs, and he was swatting my fanny.
?If you think for one minute that you can take advantage of any feelings I have for you, you are sadly mistaken, little girl. You will behave, and if you choose not to, you will face the consequences. This behavior is not acceptable, not in the least.?
I had hot handprints all over my already sore hiney, I?m sure. I could feel them swelling up as new ones were laid down. And no matter how hard I bit my tongue willing myself not to give in or beg, I still ended up crying out way sooner than I wanted to. Then Daddy put me in the stupid corner and told me I could stand there and settle down until the doctor got there.
I think I stood there for a week because I?m sure that time changes when you are in the corner. It doesn?t pass like it does on normal days. I spent the time rethinking everything. Why had I thought I loved that mean man? How in the world was I going to survive? Then all of a sudden it was over way too soon, because Daddy was back and that meant the doctor was there.
?Alivia, are you ready to behave?? His hand was on my arm, then it slid down to take my hand as he turned me around. I hadn?t been misbehaving, had I?
?I?m scared.? I brought my loose hand up to cover my eyes. Why couldn?t I just go hide under the covers with my little heart pillow?
He picked me up again, hugging me to his chest and rubbed my back. ?That?s OK, baby, Daddy?s going to stay right there with you. You still have to be a good girl, and I?m sure it will be over fast.?
We were already in that brightly lit exam room, and he was laying me on the cold vinyl table. It should have felt nice against my blazing bottom but didn?t when forced to sit on it. Uncle Chris was putting a tray of things on the table, devices of torture I?m sure. I hated that room; it?s awful to have a medical room right in your home.
?Alivia, look at you. You have a pretty dress on today.? Doctor Ross came up and rested his hand on my knee.
Daddy was standing by the bed holding my arm, stroking my hair. I ignored it all and put my loose hand over my eyes. After that Doctor Ross and Daddy pretty much spoke to each other and left me alone.
?You said there was just a small trace of blood?? This was from the doctor and it sounded like he was far away.
?Yes, only the once, right after. I asked the men to keep an eye on her and none of them noticed anything else.?
?I?m sure you know that is common the first time, but when using any newer medicine it?s better to be safe.? I felt his hands on my legs, and they pulled me to the end of the table. I had to peek, even though I didn?t want to. ?OK, Alivia, I?m going to open your legs up wide. I want you to relax. I am going to try not to hurt you and if you relax, it will help it to hurt less.? My feet were lifted and put into cold metal holsters and his hands pressed my knees outward. ?That?s it?s just let them fall open wide.?
I was so embarrassed. I wished I had my pillow so I could put it over my head! Daddy stayed by me, he kept telling me I was being good, and he brushed my hair back with his fingers, but I was more concerned about the other fingers. The ones that were spreading my lower lips.
?OK, Alivia, you are doing fantastic. I am going to insert the speculum now.?
That was just what I wanted to hear. Yeah! I suppose he thought he was being helpful, but it is hard to block out what is happening to you when you are being given a detailed narrative. I whimpered as the instrument was inserted and then with a clicking sound there was this stretching feeling inside of me? like he was opening me up. I panted around my thumb trying to adapt to the foreign object.
?Now, Ellie?s wore off sooner than the six months. We still waited to do the next dose, but it makes me wonder if each girl will be different. There isn?t a lot of documentation yet.?
Daddy said something, I should have been able to hear it better because he was closer, but I couldn?t. There was other stuff going on with Uncle Chris and the Doctor, so maybe I was missing bits. Anyway the Doctor responded to Daddy that Ellie liked it.
?She likes having the vaginal injections?? I was glad Daddy asked, I wanted that clarified.
?Yes, she likes the additional resistance, the discomfort. I guess it is a different level for each. I?m sure, that in each case it could be altered, the dose. After Training, I mean.? He cleared his throat as if remembering I was there. Then finally the pressure was relieved, the device removed.
It was good, hearing about the shots. I didn?t know that they weren?t permanent. I guess it makes sense since we are free after the four-year term. I probably really should have read the contract better. It was also great because the conversation sidetracked me from the process. My legs were straightened and Daddy helped me to sit up.
?That wasn?t so awful, now was it??
I had to pull my thumb out of my mouth, and I don?t know how it keeps getting there. Then I wiped my face with the skirt of my dress.
?Livvy, wait and I will get a tissue or a washcloth. Don?t do that.?
I didn?t care about my dress. I didn?t want to be patient while Uncle Chris got Daddy a wash cloth. I wanted to get out of there.
?No- I, let me go. I want to see Ellie.?
?Alivia, stop fighting me.? Daddy pulled me back. ?Ellie?s not here today and you are getting your face washed.?
I had no reason to leave if Ellie wasn?t there. In hindsight, I don?t know how I would have asked her about it anyway. What would I say, ?So you like your kitty to feel like it is being stretched beyond repair when you have sex?? No, maybe it was a good thing she wasn?t there today. I needed more time to think about what I had heard.